Hope

Hoping for something..

Hope should never cease..

There's a problem
Keep haunting this body
That never disappear
Always come disturbing
Until I feel suffocated
Become so stressed
Fed up,angry,sad..

That thing
Can't say it aloud
Only share it with God
Tell what this heart feels
Asking Him for help
Because only Him can help
Nobody else..

Even that thing is something's shameful, a sin,mortal sin,unforgivable ..
He covers it..
If a person repent,
Truthfully,with sincerity,
Asking for forgiveness,
He will,He may forgive..

How if a sin keep repeating over and over..
You repent and repent,
But you never fail to repeat it..
You regret over it
Feeling sad because you are so weak
Weak to fight the temptation of the satan
and the nafs inside yourself..

When this will be over
Until when will be thinking about the same problem
That never been resolved
Never permanently stop
until when..
until heart become so rigid?
until heart ignore it ..
because you have given up..
Never..please
Never lose hope
Inside you and to Him..

Tired..
Of losing spirit
Losing happiness
Losing true meaning in life
Repeating the same thing
Never really changing
Never really repenting

What is the meaning of this life
If you can't know the aim of living
The reason for survival
Only go with the flow
Life become so bored
And useless,and just has nothing in it
Lifeless life,loneliness
All suffering is futile..

If you can't make yourself useful
If you can't love yourself
If you can't love God (Allah)
And the prophet Muhammad
If you can't follow His order
If you violating yourself
Every now and then
...
Then you are taking this life for granted..
You aren't qualified to get His blessing..
Jannah is a only dream then..

Hope..

I still wish for that hope
Hoping that
Problem will be solved
The unsettling feeling inside me to stop
bothering me
Hoping to change totally,
To a better me,like a new person
That has just born..or reborn..
I want to leave all the things that I don't want to with me
Qualities that doesn't need to be kept
Want to be someone different
Want to forget all the bad memories
Want to throw away the sadness,the loneliness,the darkness,
Want to have a new episodes of life..
With a new motivation
That keep me going..

Please,
Dear God,
Dear Allah,
Please help me
To reform myself
Help me to change
Help me grow to a better human
Only you..
I hope my heart always filled with You
Remembering you,Allah..
So I can always keep myself in check
Every moment in my life
Everything that I do
So I will never repeat those mistakes again

Hopefullly this hope never cease..
And all the wishes come true..

If God's (Allah) will..Insya-Allah..


Expression of a stressed heart,
-notcar99-